Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
