I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
