Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
