then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
