Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
