You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
