My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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