No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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