I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize