you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
