Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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