So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
