You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize