Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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