i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
