I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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