Will you blow on my dice?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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