i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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