I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
