Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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