That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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