clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's blow job season.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
