omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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