I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
