He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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