Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
