wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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