Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
