I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
