The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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