you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
