I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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