We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
