Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
