This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we're making bets on your personal life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
