He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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