pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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