Jerry, you need to find god
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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