nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
