It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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