everyone is single if you try hard enough
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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