k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
