I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize