went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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