that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
