so that wasnt chicken after all
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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