Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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