With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
