All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
