There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
