U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
