not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
