If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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