I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize