dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
