you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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