Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
