I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
