I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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