question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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