You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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