I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
