i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
