I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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