dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
