god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
