And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
