The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want her autograph on my taint
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
