It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
