Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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