So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
