just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
