Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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