The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
