i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
