I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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