I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize