Just fell off a train. Bad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
