i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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