Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
