And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
