He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
