i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
