Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
