I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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