I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
