My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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