Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
