dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
